Jan 4, 2017

The day that everything happened. The day that my world with HG was turned upside down in a matter of seconds.

My two friends, MT and JS, from my previous job, texted me simultaneously telling me they need to talk to me ASAP and it was about HG. I couldn’t understand what they meant as neither of them have met HG yet. I thought they were just kidding around as they sometimes do.

MT and JS 3 way called me to let me know that HG was messing around when he went to Puerto Rico for Christmas. I had posted a picture of HG and I from New Years on social media and as it turns out the girl he was with, IG—well, we have a mutual friend on social media– then one thing led to another and I got all the videos of them dancing and kissing. My heart dropped and I screamed at my phone. I could NOT believe what I was watching.

Fortunately, MT was there when this happened because he just knew that I was going to need someone there when I received the “evidence”. He drove straight from work on his break and fed me strength in that moment telling me “forget that cheater and liar.” My head was spinning— I was devastated. What on EARTH did I do to deserve this? like WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF WHAT THE FUCK! I have given HG every opportunity to be honest and straight with me–was I that blind? was it wrong of me to be so trusting? I couldn’t understand it. I still don’t. I never deserved this from him, or just ever, period.

Continuation below is written 2/19/2017:

How was it, that this man was so excited to be with me and talk about me to his coworkers, his friends, his family—sabotage? None of that makes sense to me. I mean, was he getting bored? No–just selfish. We had a great thing going and he ruined something that was meant to be the greatest testament to finding happiness and love in another person, again. Not my fault that he is weak minded–that he doesn’t know what he truly wants–he just wants to be a school boy and see if he can get away with it and try again later. Like touching the already hot stove burner. Makes no sense. But he is someone that needs to make sense on his damn self.

He needs to catch up and make his own mistakes no matter the maturity or age. Its quite pathetic actually. Like,  a grown man, who doesn’t know how to let go of one thing so he can have the best thing ever. Ridiculous, no, LUDICROUS. Like, I am absofuckinglutely vulnerable to you and you did this? Without thinking of consequences? If I was what you truly wanted “after all”, then why didn’t you just cur things off with IG for GOOD ONE TIME. Bye! Weak, selfish.. thank God I found out what you did now instead of later down the  road, surely you would have tried again– how do I know this? I know the cheater’s mind. Its the rush, its the satisfying guilty pleasure that we felt jipped out of when were once actually happy and loyal people. Trust me, I know. And I am being real and honest as I am opening myself to this nook and cranny.

I have discovered how to unlock minds by understanding empathy–which is my strong suit. Empathy is my strong suit, moreso than loyalty, believe it or not. Loyalty is extremely important, and even more so to have faith so you can trust in loyalty once you have been stabbed… sometimes even gutted. How do you get back up from? How do you survive? How do you think you can just get up and move on as normal after something like that? How many fucking articles and memes and advice columns can you read about the psyche about why anyone would do this to another person and if there is a chance of survival and actually making it through. It is insane to me that this actually a choice a human can make–why aren’t we wired to just find a life mate? Why can’t monogamy actually exist between two people? It depends where you are, how you were raised, the things you say, the clothes you wear, the car you drive, who your friends are, the job you have, the neighborhood you live in, the type of home you have. How can we judge on the surface when even the “good ones” are capable of causing so much damage.

HG sent me a text message apologizing on this day (and even sent me a dozen roses the next day, quite beautiful bouquet, which I ended up giving to the security guard), and I know its because he is feeling the guilt already. He is feeling his own shock of his own self-sabotage. He know he is a different man and he will have to change and be different again. Either for the worse or for the better. I am pretty sure, knowing the kind of man he is, he is changing for the better, but only when he is ready and only if and when he really wants to. And of course, what also hurts, is that this happened on my expense.

I know I should not even bother writing about this.. or think about it.. as it is clear that HG has moved on. or the very least has let go. I know what is coming for him tho. He will find someone that is for him again when he is ready. Who knows when that will be and who knows who that will be. All I know is that I am alone again. But better to be alone than being lied to in the face everyday for who knows how much longer that could have stayed in.

His excuse? He got “carried away”. He even spent the whole day with her and his friends AFTER he slept with her. What a fucking jerk and liar.







Author: Elena

My road from heartache to finding true love (eventually)

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