Written by: Asha
Nostalgia is the bite of a no-see-um mosquito: quick and painless but it itches like crazy.
It’s 1:45 a.m. on Friday morning and this week, much like this past summer, has been a whirlwind. I was jobless for 4 months. I got in a car accident that I was fortunate walk away from. I got to travel, see friends, and visit my family. I threw myself into my faith and stayed obedient with my work (and tithing) at church. And I was blessed with a job opportunity a little over a week ago. I start on Monday.
My mind is racing. When I lost my job, it was right one time. Although I wasn’t expecting it, I can’t say it came as a complete surprise. I knew the time would come sooner or later. I’d been telling everyone around me that I knew this job wasn’t my forever. It paid well and the benefits were amazing — just enough to keep me but not to keep my happy. Not enough to keep me there forever.
Shortly before I was laid off, I’d been praying for development. Well, God definitely answers prayers —you just never know how they will reach you. In just the way He answers prayers, God has a funny way of developing our faith in the process. Life comes at you fast.
I’ve always been one of those people who things just sort’ve happen for. You know — the one who things just flow in sequence. The degree, the job, the guy, the ring, the marriage, and all that jazz. Until the band quits, packs up, and leaves you standing alone, one strap sliding off your shoulder like a whore in the night.
This time, I had to work for what I wanted. See! He was doing a new thing. God had a plan for me. He knew the desires of my heart but he wasn’t going to hand me my dreams — as he’s given me so much before. I would have to work for what I wanted. This is true for work and it is true for love.
So, I returned to my writing. It’s always been something that has kept me grounded and sane. My writing is my art, my craft, my creative expression. It is what I do best — communicate. I was back to blogging, back to story-telling, back to social media and vlogging — grassroots and ground up. Your girl has heart and she knows how to hustle. My knack for story-telling secured an interview with an amazing non-profit, then another, then a follow up, then an offer. I am so geeked.
And, during the summer, I met a guy during an interview process that turned out more successfully for him than it did for me. When I met him, he was encouraging, motivating, interesting, and well-rounded. We had coffee yesterday. He invited me there on his birthday. He tells me I will see him again. I hope so. I’ve learned how to be open, how to bend with the wind, how to ebb, and how to flow.
As I sit here tonight, er, this morning, I can’t help but to read my old blogs and cry. I was so smart 10 years ago but I was so naive. The funny thing is I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t go back and un-live any of this life I’ve lived. It all happened for a reason. I would take those dead-end jobs because they grew me. I would date, marry, have my heart broken, and divorce my cheating ex all over again — because how would I know what I really want, deserve, and know what I am no longer willing to sacrifice in the name of love. How would I know true compatibility, requited love, and discernment if I never went through all the turmoil of the past two years and a very trying summer? I would have no testimony if it weren’t for all these tests.
And now I am ready —so ready — to be on the other end of things. At least, I hope, for a while.
As I sit here and ponder which lights to string around my desk or whether buying a succulent makes me too millennial, I am appreciative for the tears and memories that paid me a visit tonight. Though uncomfortable, everything tugged at my heartstrings. And I’m reminded of my strength, my resiliency, and, above all else, my will to appreciate the process.
I look to the future expectantly — full of hunger for a life inspired by love, fortitude, and laughter. Sprinkled with just enough nostalgia on top so thatI don’t ever dare to forget how far I’ve come and all I’ve lost — and gained — to get here.
Godspeed, good people.