New

Yeah I met someone new. Great story how we met, and I realize that if I can think about being with someone else, I have finally moved on and there is no looking back.

It is great to get to know someone new, someone that is actually more for you. Someone who makes effort to get to know you.

And even tho there is a possibility there is no real connection or just won’t lead to anywhere—I am happy.

 

Mixed Feelings

Some days I feel good.

Other days I feel angry.

Most of the time, I am sad.

I looked at the picture I took of the Christmas card HG gave me (before I destroyed it when I last saw him), and my heart sank.

And then I remember what he did and how he lied..and I am angry all over again for a moment and fall back into sadness.

..I guess I have to admit.. I was beginning to fall for him when I read that card.

 

hg

Why

Why..

Hurts me that I have not heard from you, HG. Not even to check in on me. Nada.

I have no idea whats going on in your mind and I am so curious. I am upset that I still miss you. That there is no real closure. I am still hurt and still sad.

I went on a date–and it didn’t go all too well. He wasn’t as sweet as you. I don’t even want to get into details.

I still have feelings for you. The ones with butterflies—but you don’t deserve them.

 

Looking Back #2

My best guy friends have all told me–no man will ever let a woman he truly wants and cares for get away.

That the fact that I have not heard from him since I last saw him means he is no longer thinking of me or missing me. That he has moved on. And that I should do the same.

Let me tell you.. I was shattered. I couldn’t believe it. I got hurt AND “unwanted” (or is that just a residual feeling?).

This has been a ┬ávery difficult transition for me. From going to talking to him everyday and making plans–to nothing at all. Not a peep. I even had sex with someone else recently, just so I could start detaching myself from HG, but that didn’t work. All I could think about was our amazing sex–and how here I am– thinking about how the only way I could cum is if I was thinking about him. This has never happened to me before. All I wanted was him. I miss his warmth, his touch,—our connection. Clearly, I am not ready to emotionally connect with someone new–but I know with time this will pass. It’s just upsetting that here I go again, having to find myself in these new chapters. I was hoping that I would never have to experience this pain again. It is just awful.

I am so miserable.

But I am also happy because things need to happen in order for life to shift the way it is supposed to happen.

Why didn’t his friends tell him anything? “What about Michell?” I know HG is a grown man capable of making decisions (clearly)–but all those friends who said they love me, and are happy that we are together and to take care of him–what happened? Why did they let him take it so far?

It makes me angry because HG has told me that introducing a girl to his best friend and his family is a big deal. Well, it was the first time IG met HG’s BFF..and at his wife’s family home nonetheless. What does that say about HG? His standards for his friends? Where’s the honor in his words?

I still wake up with this ache in my chest.

The pain has lessen, and I look forward to the morning I wake up where I don’t feel pain at all.