I was perfectly happy. I truly was. I was already a happy woman when I met HG. I was happy with him too. “Super happy!” as he would tell me. It felt great again to have someone to care for, to have fun with, experience firsts with, to have lots of great sex, to laugh with, to make jokes with, to talk about whatever topics, to be dorks with, to go the beach, have a picnic, go to fun shows, watch shows and movies with, try out restaurants or places neither of us has been to yet, to dance with, and dance for. Haha. I remember the night I belly danced for him. I am such an overachiever some times. I think back on that and I laugh at myself not because I am making fun of myself (well maybe a little), but because I actually had a good time doing that and I had fun doing something different for him, something I haven’t done for anyone before.
I got these disco lights in my living room and I remember the night we came back from Ball & Chain, I turned off apt lights and turned on the disco ones and played some Daft Punk. Did a little sexy dance for him then. He was clearly enjoying it too.
I swear it. I had many smiles with HG. I remember trying to be innovative in the kitchen and I baked this cinnamon apple pie for our picnic at Kennedy Park in Coconut Grove. Never made a pie like that before. Turned out to be yummy and the picnic ants thought so too! We laid there on the blanket, I made him my “crazy” sandwich. He totally loved munching on that. Everything homemade and delicious. He had never been there and I wanted it to be a nice time. I even introduced him to ACEE’s Icees Lemonade. Swear, it is the best lemonade you can find in Miami. The best. Ridiculously good. HG loved it. Of course, I loved it that he loved it. He got to know a bit more about my childhood days, as the Grove was where I grew up until my parents and I moved to Brasil (when we came back, my teenage years were in Miami Shores). I have never taken a friend or a boyfriend to ACEE’s.. it was a sweet moment for me, too.
It felt good.. really good… I enjoyed all my time with him. I just wish it was at the right timing for him. I came into this with no baggage. Time is a healer and it really brings all kinds of perspectives. I am not perfect by any means. We are all capable of lying and burying them but the worst is when you least expect it. What happened, I did not expect at all.
I don’t want my “better half”, I want another whole person to be with me. I felt sure that HG, prime and climbing his way up in his career, independent, having his own home, invested in me, good family and good friends.. led me to believe that he was a whole person as well. I felt lucky, I felt blessed.
While you may think these were signs of me falling in love.. it was more of me growing a love and care for this person I have in my life. Falling in love is a big deal for me. I take that with utmost precaution. I was sure those special type of feelings were going to come with HG, but the exciting part was actually looking forward to when that moment was going to happen, when you least expect it. I am just a naturally nice and kind woman and that’s why I do the sweet things I do. Obviously, I did more for HG–I opened my heart to him and him only. It was
I wanted to show him my world..I wanted him to get to know me. Even tho we were only together a short time, I felt I gave a lot of myself to HG and I felt he put in the effort too. I was beginning to feel safe. I enjoyed my time with him, even in those moments we sat in silence, just relaxing.. it felt good just having him next to me. I loved smoking, getting high with him, and make awesome munchies. Everything felt like smooth sailing—listening to good music, in each other’s arms, our warmth from our bodies pressing against each other. The comfort his breathing into my neck as we snuggled. I loved his “scent”. I would smell my pillows, wear his shirt and boxers. I enjoyed his kind and sweet words to me. Our morning kisses and hugs were so sweet–so were the night ones. I loved giving him “butterfly kisses” using our eyelashes. Our kisses were the best. We had a variety of them : I-been-missing-you-kisses, Kiss-me-because-its-been-more-than-5 minutes, I-am-so-high-kisses, so-good-to-see-you-kisses, haha-thats-funny kisses, you-make-me-happy kisses, I’m-horny-kisses, romantic kisses, I-love-this-song kisses, and many others. I enjoyed our PDA and we were always affectionate. I was happy caressing him and rubbing him–I couldn’t stop when I started. Hehe, I enjoyed spoiling him in that way. I also enjoyed cooking for him. One of my favorite dinners was “vaca frita” night.. so we got caught up in a moment and I had mistakenly left the steak on for too long .. these beautiful prime rib eye steaks.. became “vaca frita” hilarious! But I made up for it some time after.. I got stone crab claws, prime rib eye and cooked the best mac n cheese ever. Ever.
I loved that time he came over my place and he had to finish up some work. I didn’t mind not one bit. I baked cookies that day. He loved them. I played some music as he worked. It was a nice evening, chillin’. He was sitting on the couch on his laptop, working on a deck. I remember thinking to myself, I can do this with him any time. I also appreciated all his help and patience with me during my time of unemployment. I am thankful that we have communicated with each other about my situations and about his stuff–because this only confirms even further for me that I did everything possible to make this a happy and open courtship. It was a delicate time for me–as I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do careerwise anymore. I guess you can say I was a bit all over the place with that. There were days I wanted to work already, and others I wanted to travel, or enjoy being unemployed. I had a lot of pressure from my family about securing a job. Not to mention, my best friends had moved out of Miami–so there was a lot of alone time and I felt I had to reconnect with old friends so I can occupy my nights and not be a bother to HG. Not to say I was ever a bother, I wanted to make sure he had his space too. A guy needs to miss his girl.
HG is a gentleman, always treated me like a lady and making sure I was happy. I enjoyed all his gifts. Setting up the Apple TV was hilarious! Eating ice cream together whether it was Jackson’s or Swensen’s or just at home–homemade desserts… chocolate lovers! Joy! We had fun partying together, meeting friends, spending time with our people. Learning that I am a distant relative of his BFF. My grandpa was his great uncle or something like that.
At first I was hesitant about his cat, Luca. But I grew to love that cat. He is the coolest and funniest cat. You know, I may be a great drawer, but I am a horrible painter. Like, really, amateur painter. Kids in elementary can paint better than me. As a Christmas “joke” gift, I decided to paint Luca. Even tho, its not the best looking cat painting (hahaha), I was nervous to give it to him. HG’s reaction to it was the best. “AAWWW, I love it!!” I could not stop laughing. When I ordered the office chair.. lesson learned on a count of two things = 1) ask myself if that was actually a good idea for a gift 2) the embroidery “HG” came out a lot bigger than I expected. I was hoping for something more tasteful and on the miniscule side. Hahaha.. but thought it was funny and that he would have a laugh about it too. Probably just keep the chair in his apt or give it to his brother or Ruben.
I loved the time we went to see a Flamenco show together. That was great! We had such an awesome time. We walked back home from the Arsht Center. It was a nice walk, and a nice day (we saw the matinee show). I kept our tickets, such a good memory. It was also the date we opened up a bit more. We had many fun dates and all I wanted was us to be happy in the moment.
The sex was always fun, sexy, sweet.. kissing each other all over.. our hands everywhere. I let him touch me wherever he wanted, my inhibitions were at nil. I never felt insecure with him. I love my body–I didn’t care if were fucking in broad daylight or in darkness. I had fun sending him nudes and videos. King of the North! Haha! He said he was insecure about something, but I made sure that he was very very happy… and successfully so.
On our second date, we went walking around Lincoln Rd holding hands and people walking all around us until this one girl was going to walk right between us but I didn’t allow that to happen. My hand was to stay in his. Simple. It was the date where we didn’t want it to end. We were having so much fun. We exhausted ourselves, until I asked him if I could come over to his place… which ended up being the first time I slept over. It was the first time in a long long time I felt this blissful happiness.
We were sleeping over each other’s homes.. weeknights and weekends.. we were a couple, “official” or not, just two adults forming a real relationship from a sweet friendship (clearly there was lust from our first date, but you know what I mean). Of course it can be scary, as we are somewhat jaded individuals–but I didn’t allow that to come between us. I wanted us to bloom and I didn’t care about the time. The best things come with time.
I can go on about all the other things we have done and shared together– but I realized just this moment, I have to pause and think about it–my memories of us aren’t dulling but it’s taking a while to come out of my archives. I am writing all this down because these absolutely were the sweetest times.