Advice?

So, today is Monday and last I heard from R Hottie was Saturday morning.

I know this sounds silly… but I really think (at least from what I have learned from my experiences) it is the man that should be pursuing the woman.

No, I have not texted back– I want him to want to contact me and be curious about me.

He went from 100 to practically, well, zero. And I have no idea why. No, we haven’t slept together. Maybe that’s all he wanted after a couple of dates–sex. But he didn’t lead me to believe that was his sole interest. I would have definitely picked that up.

Should I reach out? Or just chalk it up to him losing interest? I really thought he liked me. He even said so. Maybe he didn’t feel the connection anymore after date #2 (even though he has reached out a couple of times). As far as I know I think he really ought to be the one to reach out.

On another note entirely:

I have “hung out” with let’s call him, Loud Clapper (more than a few times within the last couple of months since HG and I broke up). It’s a nickname I have for him– he claps so loud when watching games, it can be embarrassing. Sounds like sonic booms. Hahaha.. still! he is a cool guy.. and a nice distraction. And when cums, he YELLS.. like really really really LOUD.

While LC is just a cool guy to distract myself with — he is not what I really want. I have known him now a couple of years, we met through work and there was definitely that physical attraction but none of it actually ever happened until recently.

I want R Hottie. And yes to whomever is reading this— I have definitely been working on myself (aside from all the almost nightly partying).

At least I know what I want.

Advice?

 

Miles Davis

I wonder if you are thinking of me too… that’s the first time I wonder about you today. You went from being thought of all the time to barely there. Progress!

Last night, the song “It Never Entered My Mind” by Miles Davis Quintet was playing on my Spotify. Beautiful song. It moved me. Finally—a song that exactly knows how I feel. A song without lyrics but a song with jazz and trumpet melodies.

Everyone take a listen:

https://open.spotify.com/track/0m560umx98aGNhKQvrFZMT

But you know what.. that the beauty of writing on this thing– therapeutic and I am pushing through now, realizing that I no longer miss you.

I refuse to sit on time with this–you don’t deserve it. Thank goodness I am moving on and moving forward.

Amazing how one can meet new and interesting people in such a short amount of time to make one see things in a brighter and exciting perspective aka HOPE

Fuck the rest.

It never entered my mind. Define “it” for yourself.

 

 

My Truth

Oh you know.. just daydreaming.

Dear —,

I want to kiss you, feel our bodies warmth–our touch. I want to fall and rise in love with my best friend. Ride off into the sunset together and come home to each other. I want a family, sure I do–whether it ends up just being me and you or miracles of our own, I am happy. Whatever happens to either one of us or both of us we are each other’s support system. Let’s get married and love each other in every way possible. Kiss my entire body. Kiss your entire body. Worship our bodies. Nourish each other’s souls. Faithful, loyal, trust and sheer will is in my blood–offer me the same.

Be absolutely ridiculously happy.

Love,

Elena

New

Yeah I met someone new. Great story how we met, and I realize that if I can think about being with someone else, I have finally moved on and there is no looking back.

It is great to get to know someone new, someone that is actually more for you. Someone who makes effort to get to know you.

And even tho there is a possibility there is no real connection or just won’t lead to anywhere—I am happy.

 

Mixed Feelings

Some days I feel good.

Other days I feel angry.

Most of the time, I am sad.

I looked at the picture I took of the Christmas card HG gave me (before I destroyed it when I last saw him), and my heart sank.

And then I remember what he did and how he lied..and I am angry all over again for a moment and fall back into sadness.

..I guess I have to admit.. I was beginning to fall for him when I read that card.

 

hg

Why

Why..

Hurts me that I have not heard from you, HG. Not even to check in on me. Nada.

I have no idea whats going on in your mind and I am so curious. I am upset that I still miss you. That there is no real closure. I am still hurt and still sad.

I went on a date–and it didn’t go all too well. He wasn’t as sweet as you. I don’t even want to get into details.

I still have feelings for you. The ones with butterflies—but you don’t deserve them.